A few days ago, I was a guest on The Suite Talk with Kim Mattina. It was truly a great interview and if you would like to watch it, check it out to the left. Not only did we talk about my book, but we had a wonderful conversation about technology, professional conferences, and more. As I reflected back, it was something that happened early on in the podcast that really struck me. As we talked, she identified three key words as I spoke: practical, opportunity, vulnerability. As I reflected on those words, I realized how well they encapsulated my book and my story. Sometimes, we are just too close to our own story to see the through lines. Yet Kim was able to pull those three words out seemingly effortlessly.
As I present, I spend a lot of time talking about the opportunities that technology gives students and educators. But as I continued to reflect, I considered the role of vulnerability in my work. Earlier in my career, I truly viewed vulnerability as a sign of weakness. Sharing my inner thoughts and fears could be used as weapons against me. I had experienced some times earlier in my career where my words had truly been used against me. This made me not only feel paranoid, but made me feel hesitant to show parts of myself.
In the past two years, all of that changed. It all started when I began sharing my voice. Posting that first blog was so hard. I was terrified, but I am so lucky that I had so many people supporting me. For me, blogging is all about reflection and reflection requires vulnerability. Blogging helps me work things out, sort through my feelings and make sense of them, It was my first big step in risk taking and taking risks leaves you open and very vulnerable.
My next big step in risk taking was applying to present at conferences. I remember how I agonized over every word for my first few proposals. So many questions filled my head. Was I good enough to share my work? What happened if I didn't get accepted? How would I feel presenting to other educators that I had never met before?
Sometimes you just need to take a leap and go for it. As I submitted those initial proposals and received acceptance emails, it got easier. Lindsay Titus often says when you feel fear and it makes you pause, that is a signal of you getting ready to level up. She is not alone in that opinion as many other educators echo similar sentiments.
Writing my book was my next step. That step seemed easy at first. My book was my "baby" and I could hold on to it and keep it safe. But as 2020 ended, I started to send my manuscript to publishers. What if they hated it? Blogging was one thing, but my book truly felt like part of my soul. I was terrified as I entered this next level But as I shared in the last post, I had begun to trust in my decisions. I knew that I was ready- I just had to embrace the fear and continue past it.
People look at your accomplishments and all they see is what is above the surface. What you have achieved, your "trophies," what dazzles on social media. But sometimes they ignore what's below the surface. All of the hard work, the risk taking, embracing the fear, the rejections or failures before the "post" are also not acknowledged. As Tara Martin discussed in her book Be REAL, I choose to expose my vulnerability. I don't know another way. It's my story and that's the way I want it told to my colleagues, to other educators, to my students. We are all capable of great things, but we can't let the barriers of fear and imposter syndrome keep us from doing what we love?
We all have our own journey beneath the surface. It is like an iceberg- you only see a small part above the surface, but there is so much more underneath. We need to model for our students that it's okay to take risks, that it's okay to be vulnerable because our learning environments are safe and caring places for them. We can either grow or be complacent. Which do you want to model for your students? In times like these, we all have struggles and that makes us human. How we respond to those struggles can truly define us and help us evolve. Embrace your vulnerability and see how it helps you grow.