Pausing to Reflect and Reboot- 12/21/2020

I woke up Saturday morning, ready to begin my Winter Break. I decided that I was going to take a break from professional growth and spend some time this break focusing on self care. So like most of us, I decided to check my weight. I knew it was up, but the number that greeted me truly shook me to my core. It doesn't matter what the number was, it was the highest number I had EVER seen on the scale. I felt like such a failure!

How could so many of my CHALLENGE goals be related to health and that number be on the scale?

I walked back into my bedroom and told my husband that the day I had dreaded for so long was here and how upset I was. Being my husband, he immediately asked how he could help me. I told him it wasn't about helping me, but me dealing with the reality of not taking proper care of myself. I was in a funk and needed to figure out a way out of it.

Most of Saturday, I stewed in these juices. Even though, I made myself go back to my virtual WW workshop that morning, I uncharacteristically remained silent. I listened in to others' successes and felt like a loser (not in a good way.) Why were they able to lose and keep off the weight and I couldn't? I have blamed COVID for the past few months, but didn't think that was a real excuse anymore.

Sunday, I woke up, having one day of tracking again under my belt and started to feel a little better. I thought about the messages I had sent myself the past few weeks and how I would have never said those words to anyone I know,

Why was I being so judgmental and cruel to myself?

What would I say to my husband if he came to me with those words? I looked back on my goals again. What CHALLENGE goals had I met? What goals had been more of a struggle? Rather than ruminating on the past, how could I use these successes to frame 2021. 2020 was a CHALLENGE in ways that I could have never imagined when I selected my word for 2020. For me, it was about taking risks and reaching for the stars. But the universe had other plans and 2020 has tested me and made me grow in ways that I could have never imagined.

I rocked this goal!

Reflecting back on 2020. the biggest gains I made were in the areas of professional growth. At the beginning of 2020, I set a goal to apply to present at conferences more. This goal could have easily been derailed by COVID challenges, but instead, I took risks and began to present virtually. I presented at ten different conferences this year. Some of these conferences were local, some state and some out of state.

One of those that I am more proud of was presenting two sessions at VSTE 2020, my state conference. Not to mention that I have already applied to several conferences in the upcoming year. With so many conferences being virtual, it allowed me to "travel" to places that might have been cost prohibitive otherwise.

I had the best of intentions with these goals...

In addition to presenting at conferences, I also dedicated time to read to learn. Over the course of 2020, I read over 30 books. Many books focused on educational technology, but others expanded my horizons as I read books focused on diversity, cultural responsive instruction and more. Setting aside time to read each morning was a habit that I have not been as consistent with lately, but one I look forward to resuming in 2021.

Another goal that I started out strong with was journaling daily. From late December until I got COVID, I faithfully journaled each day. Then, I became less consistent. Journaling helped me keep track of my goals and monitor them. It helped me to focus on gratitude daily. But after getting sick, it just became something else I had to do on my daily checklist. When I stopped journaling, I had journaled over 200 days in 2020. This habit is another one I need to revisit in 2021.

It's been a roller coaster ride....

Yes, we are back to my health. During 2020, there were times where I ate well and at one point, I was done 11 pounds. I started training again and ran a virtual 5K and even began training for a virtual 10 K. Like many things in my life this year, I have pre-COVID success and post COVID regress,

I could beat myself up like I did on Saturday, but that won't help me. After going to the WW workshop on Sunday, I posted in our workshop's Facebook group-

Back to tracking after a long hiatus and worst weigh in ever.

I was apprehensive to post this, but in a way, I was proud of myself for recognizing that I had a problem and needed help, needed a community. It felt so wonderful as responses like this came in. "But you're back!!!", "Glad to see you in the meeting, awesome that you're back" , "Was good to see you yesterday," and "The name of the game." What would I say to any of these members if they had come in feeling like I did on Saturday? The exact same things! I couldn't lose weight and get healthy in my thirties on my own, what made me think I could do in my forties?

Pausing to Reflect and Reboot...

Today is the first official day of Winter Break for me. As hard as it is for me not to work, I really want to take the next two weeks and focus on my health. I want to reflect on what I did well and figure out the best ways to return to those habits. I want to reflect on what led me astray and be proactive addressing those struggles in the future.

But most of all, I want to take this time to reboot.

When our computers have issues, what is the first thing that we tell others to do? Try rebooting the computer. That's what I need to do- reboot. Take a break from all of my "programs" going at full speed. Take a break from a gazillion windows open. Give myself time to recharge so that I can be at my best. So like any blogger, I plan on using blogging during this process as I conclude 2020 and determine my goals and #oneword2020. I always forget how good this makes me feel and how it helps me work out things until I start a blog.